What She Wants
by the smallest comma
Summary: "She held Santana while she cried, made her feel less like a fool for throwing away the one thing that made her happy. The one thing that made her feel less stuck in her life. The one thing that mattered. " Santana returns home for Christmas, her new friend in tow. But after witnessing something she wasn't ready for she realises she needs to go after what she wants. One Shot


The first few weeks at college were hard. She was lonely and tired. She didn't know anyone and no one knew her. Classes were hard and her cheer coach, although not quite as ruthless as Coach Sylvester has been, worked the squad hard.

She thought about joining a few clubs, but when she turned up to the room she was met with intimidating stares. So she mumbled something about being in the wrong room and left quickly.

She didn't make many friends, there were a few people from her classes she hung out with a few times. She wouldn't really count them as friends though. Her roommate was cool though. Jenna was an exchange student, from Australia. Her plane got in a few days after Santana arrived and as such took a few days to adjust to the time difference. In that time they got close. Something about going for midnight drives to hunt for the best coffee shop brought them closer.

Plus, she was totally cool with the whole lesbian thing.

She was a good listener too, which came in handy after Thanksgiving when came back from Lima, tired and upset. Brittany was going to be with Sam, she could tell. The way he looked at her, the way she smiled around him. That was the smile she saved for when they were alone. The two of them. Brittany and Santana.

But now it was Brittany and Sam, and it was all her fault.

Jenna listened. She held Santana while she cried, made her feel less like a fool for throwing away the one thing that made her happy. The one thing that made her feel less stuck in her life.

The one thing that mattered.

When Christmas rolled around and her mother called to make sure Santana was actually going to come home for Christmas, she asked if she could bring Jenna. Her mother paused.

_"Santana, are you and Jenna..."_

_"What ma? NO! She's a friend, a good friend, and she has no where to go. Christmas break isn't long enough to endure a long flight back to Australia. She'd spend zero time with her family. I thought she could do with some company"_

Her mother was silent before agreeing and they said their goodbyes. Santana hung up.

The drive to Lima was long, but she wasn't alone this time. She had someone to talk to, which made the trip go quicker, and when she pulled up into the driveway of her childhood home she had barely turned off the engine before her mother was opening the door and pulling her into a hug.

_"Santanita," _she said_, "I've missed you,"_

_"Ma!" _Santana replied_, "It hasn't been that long,"_

Her parents and Jenna got along great, something she was eternally grateful for. At the time, Jenna was her only friend at college, her only true friend at least, and if her parents hadn't have liked her she didn't know what she would have done. Wallow in her own self-pity probably, but luckily it didn't come to that.

She didn't know what possessed her to go to Mckinley. Some sort of imaginary forced compelled her to go. She waved it off with a backhanded comment about showing Jenna the American High School Experience, which to some extent was true, but it wasn't the whole truth and she knew it.

She went to see Sue first, to tell her all about her College Cheer Coach who was quickly climbing to the top of the Most Ruthless Cheer Coaches Of All Time list, and if Sue wanted to keep her place at the top she needed to up her game.

Then she went to Glee Club.

Or she was going to.

She was in the hallway, Jenna in tow. She was running possible conversation outcomes in her head. Every possible scenario went through her head and still she wasn't prepared.

_"...your the only one who makes me smile..."_

She knew that voice; she'd know it anywhere.

She wasn't prepared, it was too soon. She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and stepped on.

_"Santana?"_

She felt someone take her hand and pull her away, she heard voices, people she probably should have talked to but she couldn't. She just saw the image running through her head over and over and over again.

_"...Your the only one that makes me smile..."_

She was in Mr. Shue's office..or was it Finn's office now? She wasn't sure, but she didn't particularly care. Jenna was next to her, and someone else.

_"Sugar?"_

_"MmmHmm."_

_"What are you doing here?"_

_"Looking after you."_

Why Sugar was there, she didn't know. So she asked.

_"Because you need some familiarity, and since Quinn isn't here and Finn is hopeless...no offense Finn...I thought I'd help. Also, you looked completely broken and well...I care about you."_

Santana was grateful, and a little confused, but that didn't matter. She knew what she needed to do now and if there was anything Santana Lopez was good at it was getting what she wanted.

And she wanted Brittany.

_**~Fin**_


End file.
